Long time no talk, eh Mr. Xanga?

I loved the rain. I always do.

The football game and the Big Do were canceled due to the rain. That's ok. The Big Do is now on the 24th. Special day for me.

Though Edgar Fest didn't quite go as planned, I get to see most of my friends at the Big Do.

College is college.

Jason Mraz, Josh Groban, Michale Buble, John Mayer, and Jim Brickman are amazing.

Haven't been on recently. Haven't had time or reason. Now there are reasons: it rained, and it's September.

So the three day weekend hasn't been as eventful as I hoped. I really haven't done much but read and listen to music. That's always very relaxing, though. I wish it would rain. It's too hot and I need rain.

So party plans are breaking down. If I plan it on the 27th Homecoming would interfere and thus not many would show up. If I have it on the 20th there would be a problem with the Moshing for Myanmar. Now, I'm not worried about the amount of people as I consider quality over quantity. So at this point I'm just going to call it all off. I didn't know it was going to be so hard to plan a get-together for 10 or so people. So. . . I'll have to decide later.

I need a place to think. I have my room, but I would love to go to somewhere like Montana. I see all this pictures of great landscapes and such, but I can't go due to time and money constraints. I'm going to go some time. The pictures are so amazing, depicting waterfalls and wildlife and NO humans. I truly believe that's the best scenery; one with no humans. I'm not being anti-social, I just believe nature is very serene.

So I have to go read some more. Focoult is extremely confusing. He talks about the plague and how there was order. That really does seem to be the case,though. For example, jails. They contain some of the most sinister people, but somehow there is so much order. Yes there are ocassions where incidents occur, but it tends to be very controlled and orderly. Also, in a more sad situation, September 11. After the great tragedy, people came together. After the horrible tragedy, everyone came together and there was order amidst the rubble. So I guess it makes some sense.

Complications

Life's complicated. It always will be.

I deactivated my facebook. I didn't enjoy all of my Ex's friends sending me insulting messages. Why can't people tell me things themselves? Why can't people tell me when they hate me? Why can't people tell me when they like me? It'd make things easier. I'd do it myself, but I always seem to misinterpret things.

I went to school today. It made me happy. I got to see friends again. The only downside of deactivating my facebook is not being able to talk to my close friends.

Edgar Fest plans are going well. Not many people have confirmed for sure but that's ok. My sister said we could borrow her house. Her and Jeff are going to leave to run errands and such. I think it'll be fun. Board games, video games, bumper pool, ping pong.

I find myself thinking about my party a bit too much. I find it that I have to have something to look forward to. When I can't talk to my friends and when my classes are boring, I look for something exciting that's going to happen. I've always been like that. I've always tried to look at the bright side. Always attempted to find something in life that makes the wait worth-while. In a way, I was somewhat addicted to facebook because of this. I would look forward to receiving messages from my friends. I love hearing from my friends.

So for now I just wait. Wait till I activate my facebook once again. Wait till Edgar Fest. We must always look forward to something. That way we stay sane.

I've learned, through life, that people can be cruel. Even when you've begun to move on, things come back. You can't be happy living your own life. People remain bitter no matter what you did to make things great.

So apparently a bitter someone has been going around telling people she never talks to that I'm two faced. I'm a bad person and they shouldn't talk to me. I'm a bad person that talks about other people. So this person is going from person to person and telling them that I should not be talked to or anything. I personally find it somewhat amusing, yet annoying how they begin all these things once I'm not in school. Once I have no way of defending myself.

Of course I've dealt with this before. People have tried before. It's funny, though, how high school drama follows me wherever I go. Even if I did nothing and tried to be as mature about things as possible.

This attempt at trying to turn people against me must be seen in a better light. While many may believe such words, I will be able to find out who truly considers me a friend. Whoever truly trusts me will take time to talk to me about it. Those who take time to find out are those who care and look at both sides.

So on a less dramatic note, it rained yesterday. The weather has been great lately. Not too hot or too cold. Just great.

College is pretty easy-going right now. Nothing too difficult.

Plans for Edgar Fest '08 are starting to fall through. The weekend before people have Cross Country and the weekend after is Homecoming. It'll probably be the weekend after. Much easier.

"Tears of hope run down my skin

Tears for you that will not dry

They magnify the one within

And let the outside slowly die."

I think too much. . .

Thinking is a great way to evaluate your life. Thinking about anything and everything. Today I took a day away from technology. I walked to the park. I walked around the park. I walked through the park. I sat by the pond. I stepped in the pond. I left at 7:30 and got back at 7:30.

12 hours of complete solitude. Nobody else around but me. I was able to think. Evaluate everything. Where I am, what I've done, what I want to do, who I can trust, etc.

I've just been so confused lately. Was I right in telling her? Will my life go anywhere? What will I be when I grow up? If I could, would I take anything back? Am I happy with where I am in life right now?

I'm content with my life. Very much so. I love my friends. Each and every one. I have amazing friends who care about me. I have a great family. I have affectionate pets.

Why do I expect so much out of life? Why do I want so much? Is it too much? Or am I just wishfully thinking? Wishing for something that I don't need.

I don't know. This summer has just been completely hectic. I really didn't get to see many of my friends. And now that school's started, it's quite unlikely there'll be much time.

I think today just helped me re-evaluate things in my life.

Don't you just love the randomness and stream of consciousness of my posts?